we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
