bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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