you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
