just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
