I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
