i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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