I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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