No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
