dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
