hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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