man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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