Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
