I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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