mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
