mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
