When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
