He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
