The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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