You're my little dorito
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
