when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
