I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
