Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
