Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
