What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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