That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
