I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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