never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
True strength comes from lack of pants
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
