$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
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