atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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