After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
