Apparently you make a good broom.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
