Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
In America we eat man semen.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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