Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
