just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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