The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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