i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
