Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
