we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
