I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
