then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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