There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
