I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
