First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
