i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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