I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
where are my eyebrows?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
