His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
