cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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