I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
