the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
