So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I need moral support for this bender
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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